The Short List

Or should i say the long list?

In light of the recent Debbie Downer posts i thought i would compile of list of things that i'm thankful for or things that currently make me happy....

1- This cooler weather

Man, i love the fall.  I walked out of my house this morning and it was chilly- i loved it.  I want it to stay like this forever, cool in the morning, mid 70's in the afternoon.  Perfection.

2-  My new water bottle.

I know, happy about a water bottle?  Does this need anymore explanation?  If you are ever in the Nags Head area, TW's Bait and Tackle has a TON of Pirate gear.  I found out the owner has children at ECU and that's why he carries a lot of the stuff!  Winning!

3- New TV series

Well, new to me!  Chris and I jumped on the Breaking Bad bandwagon a while ago.  We caught up the other night.  Good lord that show is insane!  My other favorites are Scandal, Prison Break, Orange is the New Black, and Mistresses.  Guilty pleasure for sure!

4- PSL

A little secret of mine?  I never really cared for the Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks.  This year?  Game changer.  I didn't realize how good those things were!  I usually order skinny/decaf so that i don't feel as guilty having one....i cant tell the difference! Yum!

5- B & D

You could say Chris and I are obsessed with our dogs.  They provide endless amounts of entertainment and, seriously, who doesn't love these faces?!?!

6- The 'W'

Also know as Chubbers or Bug or William :)

I recently got to spend an entire week with him at the beach.  It was the best week.  I cannot get over how cute he is- i could cry thinking about how much i love him.  He loved the beach, i am already looking forward to next year.  He will be a beach pro!

7- Chris
He is really the sweetest guy.  I cant even begin to explain the love and support he shows me, not just through the tough times but always.

The Struggle

My last update wasn't really the happiest, Chris and I are in a much better place mentally today.  Although, not a day goes by that i don't think about my little jellybean.  It is still so hard to hear about everyone else's pregnancies, not that i'm mad at them, it just is a reminder of where i should have been, but in reality where i am not.  I am so happy for all of my friends that are expecting (lord knows most of my friends are), but it is still hard.  The pain is still very much there. In fact i would have been 23 weeks this past weekend....its hard to imagine.  One thing i have learned through all of this is that people that have not been through a loss of some sort, have a hard time relating.  Which is ok, before i went through this i had no idea what the feeling was like.  Unfortunately now i do know what it feels like and i can be more sensitive to others going through similar situations.  I also think our struggle to have a baby has taught me many things.  I find that people that have never struggled to have a baby have a hard time understanding also.  I get a lot of comments from people that don't know how their words impact me, me being someone who has struggled- i've learned that these comments are not intentional and that they really just don't understand the depths of the situation.
I've gotten everything from....

".....Just stop 'trying' and it will happen....."
".....Stop stressing about it......"
to
"......just relax and have fun....."
and mannnny more....

Obviously i've tried all of those and more :)  Its a tough thing to hear when you are going through infertility treatments with a doctor.  I feel like all my time is spent at appointments- blood work this, test that.  Although i know one day i will look back at this time and know that all of this was worth it- it is just hard to stay positive sometimes.  It is crazy to think that Chris and I started this journey almost 2 years ago.  I never imagined that i would have experienced all that i have- but i know our story is just starting, after all i do have a pretty great guardian angel watching over me.